The pain started when I made eye contact A melody showed me all the things I’d lacked I lack them now too Set out the morning I awoke to a brand new life Thought I’d found a way out the rabbit says not quite from the mirror he checked his wristwatch 1000 miles to a single step but mine is only twelve The world begged me leave the cave but deeper still I have always delved And maybe we should step into the sun maybe I should burn for myself maybe you can’t stand to see what you’d be if these mirrors could be any help We’ve made this love a vampire The worst part’s knowing people understand this a sect of friends who know how it ends I can’t regret who I let in, the kind of people who always want out Second act starts they can’t stick around But it seems they’re always back by curtain 1000 miles to a single step but mine is only twelve The world begged me leave the cave but deeper still I have always delved And maybe we should step into the sun maybe I should burn for myself maybe you can’t stand to see what you’d be if these mirrors could be any help We’ve made this love a vampire And if I’m being honest these holy water teardrops picture frames made of silver stakes I couldn’t tell you what it’ll take to liquidate the baggage in our home Exes on the calendar that overlap like stitches my lost genie wishes can’t spend on love or forever so how about some light and an open door 1000 miles to a single step but mine is only twelve The world begged me leave the cave but deeper still I see your outstretched hand, to hell And maybe we should step into the sun I’ll turn to ash, and burn for myself maybe you can’t stand to see what we’d be through these mirrors if you would just let me help We’ve made this love a vampire

...And he just says to his buddy, pomegranates! Cue the laugh track. (laughter) You ever hear the one about the depressed angler? He didn’t fall off the roof, he just pulled the ground up to him real fast. Cue the laugh track (laughter that extends past a comfortable length) Cut the laugh track. It’s been almost two years since a laugh was sincere, around two revolutions of the planet since I grappled with the realization that love is not a two way street. It's an intersection, a thousand cars and pedestrians at different paces for different places trying just to find a happy space and I didn't care for one. I was more interested in the bulletproof ideas of a bullet train past failure and to monogamy than I ever could've been in the realization that there were some deadly things I had to see. You see, I wrote that my body held the dead, and I couldn't have been more correct there, because amongst all those cold corpse boxes who cadaver (could have her) if they wanted, it was me who held them, who knew their name, lies and truths. And this is how a poet drowns, stuttering and sputtering not for air, but the right words, because help is just too bland. And this is how the ship goes down, as a couple million kids say this OTP should still be a part of the plan And I didn’t make it. I’ve painted pictures of my perceptions But I've been mistaken It's not the first time I've thought something was great and it was far from grand And it's costly Running down dreams has left me with six strings, a low hanging branch, and a notebook; there's only two ways that ends, and neither of them will make you happy And as I sit beneath the branch, deciding how to write how I’ll be heard, a conversation long gone rings in my ears. he asks if I believe in angels, and what's my greatest fear It's this. A procession of memories, so carefully crafted to bring about a colder creativity, a demon in my skull who reminds me they won't remember me, and I'll have to build a legacy if I want to be anything more than a footnote on so many men and women's lists of friends and lovers in history I am everyone's ex-boyfriend. I am a universal concept of how beautiful things can be in small champagne flute toasts, I am a walking, talking, crying, screaming dopamine overdose I still find their letters and notes When I peel back my skin they're all wrapped up around my humerus and not-so-funny bones I pray they turn to stone Turn the mental weight to something a scale can tell me I should hate because god do mirrors get hard when the object of your loathing is blocked by your face But I’ll never ask for a pill to take. Because doctor you'll see written right there in my DNA is a simple request Do not resuscitate I'm sick of racing fate, trying to see which of us will lag Doc, prescribe me a toe tag. I promise if you let me rest, when I wake up I’ll pull my own weight I’ll try and be his anchor, I’ll try and raise their spirits And If it tears me down the middle, Then that’s just how it ends it’s Very sad I know, but I’ll make my jokes and help my friends And if I look happy myself, Take a chance and bring someone back And if I look happy myself, please, Cue the laugh track.

I didn’t wake up this morning, but I fell asleep last night Laying here I can’t start walking something just doesn’t feel right. I hope that ambulance isn’t for me, cuz last night I finally felt free But I think freedom might for one night, might have just cost me my life. Yeah I hope I’m not dead, because the song I hear stuck in my head is one of funerals and laughter at my grave. Oh, I guess I might be deceased Just when I felt unique I join a club that outnumbers the living fifteen to one. This is the kind of thing I hear happen all the time. Every 1.8 seconds, there’s a new soul standing in line. Oh, but how did I get here, and how can I leave? Cause I can tell off those gates it’s more life time that I need. Yeah I hope I’m not dead, because the song I hear stuck in my head is one of funerals and laughter at my grave. Oh, I guess I might be deceased Just when I felt unique I join a club that outnumbers the living fifteen to one. I’m standing at the door to the place downstairs and I can’t help but see I finally care I’m not ready to sit and face my regrets and I understand you have to live and let die